New World Order: Eleven guaranteed to give us an earful

In terms of picking winners, the Golf Channel is already a step ahead of everybody.
Be thankful they are not in your Fantasy golf league or they'd be into your wallet for more than the few cents the network gleans from your monthly cable TV fee.
It's hardly a secret that some TV networks have been agitating for the right to put microphones on players during PGA Tour events, a step thought necessary to brighten the delivery of fresh insight to the viewers in an era when there's never too much information.
Emphasis, it should be noted, is on fresh.
The first player wearing a microphone at the Tournament of Champions was Jonathan Byrd, who despite being one of the quieter players on the PGA Tour, actually went on to win a few days later. Nice call -- on picking the eventual winner, anyway.
Byrd is an underrated player and a genuinely warm guy, but as far as reeling off a stream of interesting banter, he's no Lee Trevino. For the fans to grasp this concept, they need Groucho Marx, not his mute brother, Harpo.
Since the overwhelming majority of fans never get within earshot of players on the course, and that's an advantage I pretty clearly enjoy, here's my listing of the players who ought to be put at the front of the line when karaoke becomes part of their day jobs and they have to sing for their supper.
Network associates, it's time to man the Kill Switch.
Pat Perez, PGA Tour
Because he generally runs about three degrees Fahrenheit under the boiling point during his normal waking state, he's going to instinctively get upset when he sees his name on this list. It's true Perez doesn't get enough credit for being a good player who has kept his PGA Tour card for a decade, true enough, and is mostly known for having a thermometer that is, shall we say, full of mercury. But the guy's personal logo is a boxing glove with the initials PP emblazoned on it. The loveable part about Perez is that he tends to vent, then let it go. A few moments after he decompresses, he's fine -- full of self-deprecation, vim and vinegar. If they put a live mic on Perez, the broadcast outlet would definitely need to use the old seven-second delay -- because even Perez isn't sure what's going to pop out of his mouth sometimes, which is part of his charm. One of the most enjoyable parts of covering the tour is watching Perez get all worked up and defensive whenever some media guy asks him about losing his temper. Irony defined. Perez won the Bob Hope event in 2009, and if the Golf Channel has any moxie, it'll ask him to be wired next week when the 2011 event is staged. Hey, it's cable, right? They can say anything they want.
Michael Collins, PGA Tour caddie
That's right, people, we're suggesting the nets put a microphone on whoever Collins happens to be working for that week, not just because he is a former stand-up comic, but because he is also a professional broadcaster who has logged hundreds of hours on XM/Sirius and USA Network tracking the tour. Last year, Collins worked the second half for Scott Piercy. Collins gets along with everybody -- Tiger Woods rides him consistently about his weight -- and reels off a string of spontaneous witticisms that would only help a broadcast. Collins understands one of broadcast golf's great truisms -- the sport can be boring enough without the principal parties making it even more vanilla.
Chris Baryla, PGA Tour
OK, so introductions are in order. Baryla is a Calgary veteran who has played all over. He earned his PGA Tour card for 2010 but was injured for most of last year, so he went back to Q-school in December and cemented his status for 2011. That's his playing pedigree. As for the rest, Baryla is a genius. No, seriously. He has been tested. Which means that depending on the day, he's probably smarter than the two guys he's playing with, and their caddies, combined. There are a few bright guys on tour, including a couple with impressive degrees from places like Duke and Vandy, but Baryla might be the smartest. Now, if he can get into contention, let's wire him up. Fellow Canadian Sean Foley, who is the smartest swing coach I've ever met, says Baryla is stupid-smart. Actually, that makes perfect sense.
Ian Poulter, PGA, European tours
Admit it. You can't get past the attire, can you? But looking at this from a fan-interest standpoint, the Englishman is not only asking for people to notice him, he is campaigning for it. He once shaved himself and posed nude on a magazine cover, so wearing a microphone would be no big deal (assuming they can find someplace to affix it). As evidenced by his two stellar Ryder Cup performances, Poulter is underrated as a player and overrated as a hot dog. There's substance to go with the style, and the guy has a definite sense of humor. After all, did you see the Twitter videos he posted last fall of his kids eating Cheerios out of the Ryder Cup, with milk and a spoon? Poulter ought to be the next guy they mic up, mostly because he'd be the first world-class player to agree to it. Knowing Poulter and his love of the spotlight, he might not wait to be asked.
Mark Calcavecchia, Champions Tour
Simply the most self-deprecating, brutally honest player ever to trundle down a PGA Tour fairway. There have been so many pieces of blunt self-analysis offered over the years by Calc, it could fill a book. The good news is, on the Champions Tour, players are now conducting interviews with on-course analysts between shots and Calc will fast prove to be the most glib guy on the grounds. There isn't much need for a live microphone with Calc. Being remotely within earshot is often good enough. His pointed honesty, outwardly and inwardly, will be sorely missed on the regular tour, put it that way.
Suzann Pettersen, LPGA
The feisty 29-year-old from Norway is, without question, fluent in many tongues, pardon her French. In an anecdote that underscores her personality, she is perhaps most famous -- and she's long been ranked in the women's world top five -- for uttering an F-bomb in a live NBC Sports broadcast a few years ago during the Solheim Cup. Nothing was lost in translation. Pettersen plays golf as aggressively as she thinks, so slapping a live mic on her would deliver quite the ride, especially given her saucy disposition and the fact that she finished second six times last year on the LPGA, which left her more chapped than a pair of leather underwear. Pettersen has that undeniable, intangible twinkle in her eye. If male fans better knew how she was wired, her star would rise.
Rory Sabbatini, PGA Tour
A couple of years ago in Charlotte, when Sabbatini was getting microwaved in the media for making some blunt assertions about the state of Tiger Woods' game -- he wasn't wrong, either -- fate put him right in the spotlight. Sabbatini was paired in the final round alongside Woods, and when Sabbo hit a sloppy approach shot on the first hole, he quickly buried his iron in the Quail Hollow turf. As you might have noticed, this list skews hard to players who have a short fuse. It also gravitates to those who are unafraid to express a potentially unpopular opinion. Under live fire, the player's true colors are often seen, and Rory has always been a player with zero tolerance for sloppy play or idiocy (recall the Ben Crane slow-play episode). It would be a risky career move if he agreed to wear the microphone, but hopefully, people would see through the occasional knee-jerk comment and applaud the honesty. Names like Jonathan Kaye and Steve Pate, both equally blunt, could easily have been inserted here for the same reason, if they were still fully exempt.
Robert Garrigus, PGA Tour
Garrigus was going to make this list even before he lost in a playoff to Byrd at Kapalua on Sunday night. He's a terrific story of perseverance, having checked himself into drug rehab years ago and come out a stronger person and better player because of it. Garrigus hits the ball an unholy distance and can unload just as effectively with his tongue. In the fall, a few days before he won at Disney, Garrigus was chatting on the range when he heard Rory McIlroy had decided to drop his PGA Tour membership, partly because McIlroy had characterized the FedEx Cup series as being mostly about the money. Said Garrigus: "Did he think it was about free shipping?" Feherty and McCord would have been proud of that spontaneous riff.
Sergio Garcia, PGA, European tours
He wears his heart on his sleeve, so why not a microphone? If there is a more mercurial player in the game, none springs to mind, with the possible exception of Colin Montgomerie. Many times, when a player emerges from the scoring tent, it's hard to tell whether they had a good or bad round. But Garcia telegraphs it from miles away. He radiates success and failure. Listening in on Garcia's conversations would be incredibly illuminating, since nobody blows hotter and colder during the course of a round. His mood seems to bounce around like a Richter scale. Nobody can be more charismatic when things are going well, or enigmatic when things go sideways.
Phil Mickelson, PGA Tour
Thankfully, we don't really need Lefty to wear a wire, which is sometimes a point of conversation. Mickelson and Jim Mackay, the only caddie Phil has ever had, speak in something well above a whisper that even the worst directional microphones can pick up from several feet away. Mackay has even been criticized for it, something he doesn't appreciate. But as he points out, Lefty likes to have all the available information supplied before pulling a club, then he makes his own decisions about how much to use or ignore. Slapping a microphone on Mickelson, not that he would likely agree to it when in contention, would be an almost bullet-proof plan. To his eternal credit, I can honestly say I have never heard him utter language any stronger than what would carry a PG-13 rating on a golf course. Unlike, say ...
Tiger Woods, PGA Tour
When Woods held his series of now infamous speeches and press conferences last fall, he promised to clean up his potty mouth. We can report unequivocally that it has worked, but only to a certain extent. Woods seems to have made great strides in biting his tongue during the early rounds of tournaments, but when the weekend rolls around and he goes back into default competition mode, the expletives are as frequent as the sideways drives. In fact, they usually correlate. Regardless, Woods is the most compelling figure in the game, and though the odds are spectacularly long that he would ever agree to do anything that would help a media outlet, agreeing to wear a microphone could rehab his dented reputation faster than anything else. If he wants to prove he's a changed man, and worthy of further commercial endorsements and public praise, he can put his money where his mouth is. You know, like, literally.

extracted from cbssports.com